Premarital counseling: what to know

What the job involves, what changes the price, and what to ask a pro.

What premarital counseling is

Premarital counseling is a set of sessions for engaged or committed couples who want to talk through communication, expectations, finances and family before marriage. The counselor guides structured conversations and may use questionnaires. If you or someone you know is in crisis or in danger, contact local emergency services instead of waiting for an appointment.

Signs you need it

  • You are engaged and want to talk through big topics before the wedding
  • You and your partner see money, children or housing differently
  • Families are blending or traditions differ between you and your partner
  • Past relationships are influencing how you communicate
  • Your officiant or faith community asks for premarital sessions

What the pro does

  • A first meeting to learn about each partner and your goals
  • Questionnaires or guided discussions on communication, money, family and roles
  • Practicing listening and conflict skills in session
  • Tasks to try at home, such as talking through a shared budget plan
  • A wrap-up that summarizes strengths and topics to keep working on

What changes the price

Every job is different, so we do not publish prices. These are the things that move the quote up or down.

  • The counselor's credentials and approach
  • Number of sessions
  • Session length
  • In person or video
  • Whether questionnaires are used
  • Insurance or private pay

What a written quote should spell out

  • Number and length of sessions and the schedule
  • Any questionnaires or workbooks and whether they are included
  • Cancellation terms
  • Billing details
  • What you will receive at the end, such as a summary of topics discussed

Questions to ask before you hire

  • What is your license, and what training do you have in premarital work?
  • How many sessions do you recommend?
  • Do you use a questionnaire, and what does it cover?
  • How do you handle topics we disagree on?
  • Can we include faith or values in sessions?
  • Do you share results with an officiant?

Red flags

  • A counselor who tells you whether to marry
  • Promises of a happy marriage
  • No clear plan for how sessions are structured
  • Pushing a single belief system when you did not ask for it
  • Cannot name a license or credential

What you can do yourself

You and your partner can set aside time to talk about money, children and household tasks on your own, but a counselor offers structure and a neutral view. Bring questions about health, family planning or medications to your doctor.

Licenses and permits

Therapy and counseling are licensed health professions. Ask for the license type and number, then check it with your state licensing board before the first session.

Premarital counseling questions

How early should we start?

Many couples begin several months before the wedding so there is time for the home tasks.

Is it only for engaged couples?

Not necessarily. Some couples use it before moving in together or committing.

Will we be told if we should marry?

A good counselor helps you talk and decide for yourselves.

Does it have to be religious?

No. Ask the counselor about the approach before you book.

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