Divorce mediation: what to know

What the job involves, what changes the price, and what to ask a pro.

What divorce mediation is

A mediator helps spouses discuss property, support and parenting plans in a neutral setting and prepare an agreement for the court to review, without taking sides. Couples use it when they want to work out terms themselves instead of leaving every decision to a judge.

Signs you need it

  • You and your spouse are separating and want to work out terms together
  • You agree on some issues but need help with others, such as the house or parenting schedule
  • You want a private process instead of a series of court hearings
  • A court requires mediation before a hearing on parenting issues
  • You want to reduce conflict because you will continue to co-parent
  • You have a draft agreement and want to talk through remaining differences

What the pro does

  • Meet with each spouse to explain the process and confirm both are willing
  • Collect basic financial and parenting information from both
  • Lead joint sessions to discuss property, debts, support and the parenting plan
  • Help the spouses generate and compare options
  • Record points of agreement in a written summary
  • Explain that each spouse may want their own lawyer to review the agreement before filing

What changes the price

Every job is different, so we do not publish prices. These are the things that move the quote up or down.

  • The number of issues in dispute
  • Whether children are involved
  • Complexity of assets, such as a business or retirement accounts
  • Number and length of sessions
  • Whether a financial specialist joins
  • Whether paperwork for the court is prepared by the mediator or a lawyer
  • Whether sessions are online or in person

What a written quote should spell out

  • How the fee is set and how it is split between spouses
  • Number and length of sessions
  • Whether a written summary of agreement is included
  • Whether court forms are prepared, and by whom
  • Cancellation terms

Questions to ask before you hire

  • Do you have training in family or divorce mediation?
  • Are you a lawyer, and if so, do you give legal advice during mediation?
  • How do you handle safety concerns or an imbalance of power between spouses?
  • What financial documents will we both need to share?
  • Who prepares the final paperwork for the court?
  • Should each of us have a lawyer review the agreement?
  • What happens if we cannot agree on everything?

Red flags

  • A mediator who pressures one spouse to accept terms
  • A mediator who advises one spouse as if they were that person's lawyer
  • No screening for safety concerns
  • A mediator who skips financial disclosure
  • No written fee agreement

What you can do yourself

You and your spouse can write down your goals, gather financial documents and sketch a parenting calendar before meeting. Many courts offer self help forms and information. If there is any history of abuse or fear, speak with a licensed attorney or an advocate before agreeing to joint sessions.

Licenses and permits

Divorce mediators are often not required to hold a license, though many are lawyers or counselors and some courts approve mediators for their rosters. Ask about training, certifications and any court approval.

Divorce mediation questions

Is a mediator a lawyer for both of us?

No. A mediator is neutral. Each spouse may want a lawyer to review the agreement.

Is the agreement final?

A court usually must review and approve it. Ask a licensed attorney about your state's steps.

Is mediation safe in every situation?

No. If there is abuse or fear, speak with a licensed attorney or advocate first.

Can mediation cover parenting?

Yes, many mediators help create parenting plans.

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